3 posts tagged “cupcate”
People leave. I know that seems like a fairly obvious thing to say, but it's true. Especially now it's entirely normal to go and live in another country for a few months, even a few years, it's natural that people you see regularly, one day won't be there anymore.
Marian goes back to America this weekend. I'm going to miss her lots and lots and I'm very sad. But it's more than that. There's something strange about the whole leaving thing. There's something different about modern day friendships.
I love my friends more than anything. Even more than the two kittens curled up next to me on TikiChris' sofa. And I hate the idea of them leaving. But they do. They leave. It happens lots more now. Whether they shoot of travelling for a few months, or move back to hometowns, or away from hometowns, the friendships and relationships that you forge change. More than they ever would have a few years back.
Without the internet, how eager would I have been to travel to China? Yeah I still went on my own, but in the back of my head I did think 'at least I can email people back home'. And I did. A lot. (Though the bombings in London probably forced a bit more communication.) But I always knew that there would be people at the end of a phone line of the end of a modem.
People don't think about it now. Communication between friends takes very little effort. Marian and I will keep in touch on Facebook etc and that's brilliant. But there's something strange about having people in your life for a set amount of time. Sofia leaves London in April. And I just can't imagine London without her.
I love that I've met all of these brilliant jet-setting people recently, they're all brilliant. And I know that I'm just as likely to bugger off to the other side of the world as anyone, but I just find that the dynamics of friendships has changed. It's not the kind of thing your expect to evolve, but as much as social networking and technology have changed our life, it's affected our social lives as well.
This should seem fairly obvious, after all, it's not called 'social networking' for nothing. But there's something different. Not just in how you interact with your friends, but with where they are in the world. With how you speak to them every day. Social networking should make you closer. And to some extent it does. Cate and I use Facebook to chat shit that only we understand (in fairness, we do this in real life too) and I can keep in touch with Marian while she's miles away. This is brilliant and I'm so pleased that this is possible. But some of my friends aren't glued to a computer all day every day. And we speak less. Because now it's harder to pick up the phone.
For the first time in aaaaaaaaages Ang and I hung out. Properly. Proper gossiping with wine and silliness (and kittens being distracting). We both agree that this doesn't happen anymore. Not nearly often enough. Not because we don't want to see each other, but because our life is entirely full of other stuff. Sometimes I can feel like I've spent all day talking to my friends online and that I don't need to go out and see them. Social networking isn't meant to stop you seeing your friends. It's not meant to replace interaction. Twittering isn't meant to happen instead of conversation. Birthday cards should still be sent. Phone calls should still be made. Poking should be banned.
It's just hit me this weekend how much our relationships our changing. From Cupcate writing last month about not having a 'best friend', and to us having so many online 'friends' that we don't meet. Then there's the networking 'friend' that we have. The ones that we drink with and talk shop and possibly even bitch about when they've gone (guilty) because they aren't real friends. All of this is strange and weird and unsettling. I just want my friends back. I want them to stay in one place and I want to see them. I miss Marian, I don't want Sofia to leave and I want to see Ang and Virgil and Cate much more than I do. I miss my friends. It's the only thing I don't like changing. They're all brilliant and I'm sad to see them leave.
I know that's selfish, but they're the most important things in the world to me and I'm not ready to let them go yet.
To give you an idea of where my head is at the moment, here's a Skype chat I had with Marcus earlier today:
Sian Meades says: Marcus, when you guys set up Webjam, did you have million things to do the day before and think it was all going to go wrong and be a big fat mess?
Marcus Greenwood says: thats my life in one sentence
Sian Meades says: so this feeling of panic is normal? it's OK that by three o-clock you might find me hiding under my desk?
Marcus Greenwood says: thats fine
Marcus Greenwood says: you can take your laptop down there
Sian Meades says: or throw it out of the window.
Marcus Greenwood says: this is also acceptable
Sian Meades says: brilliant
My website launches tomorrow. The website that I've been working on since April 27th. The day after Ant's birthday when I said to Cate that I had an idea for a website that had been in my head for a few days. She bloody well went and told me it was a good idea so I did lots of scribbling. Damn her! Over three months of hard work is all going to be in front of you tomorrow. And you can judge it and tell me it's shit and think I'm rubbish and there's fuck all I can do about it.
It's the scariest thing ever. IN THE WORLD. Scarier than that film with the scary things in the caves (and that's SCARY SCARY.)
Because this is the first time I've worked hard on something for just me. I haven't got anyone behind me. I've got a GREAT team of writers (many thanks to Jane for keeping me sane today!) and there have been a million people who have stopped me from going crazy. Sam has helped me get the site to where it is now. He was like my Media Assistant and basically trawled through all of my thoughts and rubbish to pick out the good stuff. The important stuff than I need to concentrate on. Without that, well the website would probably read a lot like this blog and full of crap no one cares about. Without Cate saying to me that the idea was brilliant in the first place, I wouldn't have started. With Matt bouncing ideas with me back and forth and being practical (really) I'd have got distracted. Without Rob H helping me with all the techy stuff and Alberto doing a FABULOUS design, I wouldn't be in this blind state of terror right now. Because I wouldn't have a website to launch.
And despite web launch terror, I think you're all brilliant and I'm humbled that you've all been so helpful and supportive.
I hope you like the site.
Yesterday, CupCate suggested that women launching brilliant new websites should not have to have periods. When I'm ruling the world, this will happen! Until then, please buy me cake and flowers.
I'm trying, to do everything I can be a website editor. Despite making it up as I go along. I'm trying to make sure things go smoothly and work well. Despite people letting me down and changing their plans and NOT GIVING A FUCK. I'm trying really hard to do something really good. All of this would be a lot fucking easier if I didn't have agonising stomach cramps. And trying not to burst into tears at my desk doesn't fucking help either.
For fucks sake.
On the plus side, I'm spending the evening watching this...
So it can only get better...
