Happiness and other things
I'm so happy I'm going to share this Rob Ryan picture with you because it's bloody brilliant:
Wow it's been forever since I posted on my blog. But I've been sooooo busy with other things that I don't think I've had time to stop and think, let alone ramble. Lucky for you guys I guess. All three of you.
So what have I been up to? Well Poppycockney is going really well. Everyone has been so supportive and seems to really like it and I can't explain how happy I am that it's up and running and going well. It just seems to work. I'm not sure why, I can't explain it, but it's brilliant. I love. I'm pleased that the hard work we've done has paid off. So much so that we're doing a press launch on Monday. Wow.
But everything else is brilliant as well. Things are going well with the boy (who could read this for all I know so maybe I should keep shhhhh about him.) But they're cool and I'm happy. I still get freaked out by the whole relationshippy idea, and I'm getting used to it - I'm trying to just take things as they come and see what happens. Seems to be working so far. I think I tend to freak out when I'm seeing someone who's good for me. When it's worth me putting my energy into that and I feel like I'm getting something in return. The Boy makes me feel like I can do silly things. He also makes me eat sushi for the first time EVER (I know, leave me alone)... my conclusion being that SUSHI IS BRILLIANT. And right now I don't want to be kissing anyone else.
It's hard to explain how happy things are right now. It's not just one thing making me happy. I'm not just happy because of the boy, or work. And I'd hate to go back to a time when I could be happy for those reasons alone. I think I've reached some kind of point in my life where I'm OK with things. I'm OK with seeing how things go and fucking up and just seeing what happens. If it all goes wrong, tomorrow, I could deal with it. I'd be gutted, but I feel like I could deal with it. I feel strong.
I had a panic attack on Sunday. I was gutted as I thought I'd got past that. But it's just making me realise why I have them and how I can deal with that. I don't deal well with 'coming down' from pressure. But I know that. And I getting better with it. And this month I put myself under huge amounts of pressure and it worked out fine. It also reminded me that I need to find a happy balance. I can't spend four months being crazy busy and then expect to spend one night in and feel fine - I put my body under so much stress by doing that and I should know by now that I can't deal with it. need to make sure I don't have to deal with it. No amount of work is more important than my health.
I've just written a whole paragraph telling you all about the perfect things I've done this weekend so far. But I deleted it because, sometimes I think things should stay secret and none of your business. :-) I want to keep things in my head for a little while. But I did buy some new furniture which is very lovely. Buying furniture makes me feel grown up. But I bought a huge chair. Marcus says it's like a giant cloud that you sit on. This is fun. It was made even more fun that I threw my desk out to fit it into my room. I like this.
If I could bottle how brilliant I felt right now, I really really would do. Instead, I'm going to go and wonder around Greenwich Market and buy some pretty pointless stuff. For no bloody reason. Just smiling reasons.
Everything right now is just for smiling reasons. These are the best reasons of all.
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