Sianyland

Hey everyone (all two of you)

Sianyland has moved over to Webjam....

http://www.webjam.com/sianyland/

Shiny and new. Please wipe your feet before you go in.

I'm off on holiday on Tuesday. After that, my Vox blog will be no more.

That's not to say that Sianyland will be no more, don't be silly. But there are going to be some changes to the site and I feel like i need to keep all of my blogs together so I'm moving it over to Webjam. I think that Vox might be better for American bloggers, but my blog doesn't get much attention here. I'm a needy little writer after all...

So you won't read much about Sianyland until after I've set up the next blog, but then there will be some great changes and you'll hopefully really like them. My whole attitude to my writing and my blogs and where i'm going with my career has changed over the last few weeks so you're going  to see some stuff that you'll hopefully find really interesting.

I'll blog back here with the new blog details, until then it's goodbye Vox, hello Webjam.

x

Barbie

I keep hearing this annoying thing. And it's something that I used to do myself. I keep hearing women play up to the 'dumb blonde' thing. Which makes me want to scream. "Oh no, I wouldn't understand, i'm just  silly dumb blonde." SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!

Women who do this, are actually anything but dumb. Really. And most people realise this. But for some reason, women play up to this like it makes them cuter, more feminine and somehow more attractive. Women making themselves look weaker than they really are isn't attractive. Not at all, and I'd be worried about any man who *did* find this attractive. But why do woman fall back on this?

When did we stop wanting to be strong? I know that I still do it sometimes. At work, when I can't do geeky clever things. I like the guys in my office and sometimes it's nice to be 'rescued'... shit even writing that makes me feel like a twat. I guess when I can't do something, I fall back into this. When I'm feeling unconfident, I make myself smaller. Well what's the point in that? Surely it's better for everyone if I'm not an annoying whiney girl? And when I do suck it up and try to do something that confuses me, I usually can. Even if it takes a while longer.

I'm blonde, and sometimes I say really stupid things. But I'm by no means a dumb blonde. I don't often meet stupid women to be honest. The only stupid thing these women do, is dumb down to make themsleves more attractive.

Flickr image from Spigoo's photostream.

This week, I've seen a lot of 'Internet bitching'. Either aimed at me, or other people. I'm just confused about where it's come from.

Internet bitching is a bit different to the blog trolls. Blog trolls generally don't target a specific person or blog, they just have issues with just about everything on the internet and life on general. But internet bitching is pretty horrid. Imagine, you get a message from someone on something you've written, or in your inbox. (am i the only person who still gets excited by email?) then you get that sinking feeling. that knot in the pit of your stomach. The feeling that the poster was actually after. The thought of 'oh my god, they're being horrible, and it's totally aimed at me'.

The internet is perfect for bullying, after all, you can hide behind a computer screen. Sure, some of the people writing bitchy things may say that stuff in public, and even to someones face, but they don't have to online. Not only can they say much more than they usually would, but they can also say it anonomously. How brave.

And, they can get themselves and audience. There's a chance that the recipient won't read the comment for a while, and as ever with putting yourself out there in public, you've got other people reading your work. The internet bitch will have got people interested, because they, of course want to get involved. and they want to know how you will react. Passive aggressive behaviour at its worst. You have no choice to respond.

I just don't understand this. Why are people horrid to you online? Are they actually just twats in real life? this isn't me being over sensitive to stuff (and nothing to do with the well written article i read bitching about Poppycockney). I'm a community editor, and I'm involved with social media (at least in london) but I hate the nasty side of it.

It makes you realise, yet again, that these people online aren't your friends. You can forget that online sometimes, espeically when people say nice stuff! There's no need for any of it. But it's not going to stop any time soon. Just have a think before you post something cruel. What you're basically doing, is taking time out of your day to hurt someone else. If that's your intention, then I feel really fucking sorry for you.

109

I fucking love bank holidays.

This was my bank holiday weekend:

Kittens, table football, burgers, wine, kittens, sleeping, tea, kittens, lunch, kittens, Flaneur, tea, expensive shopping, wine, cameras, shopping, scratchcards, losing, cooking, talking, baking, kittens, sleeping, telly, kittens, eating, telly, writing, pub quiz, cancelled pub quiz, wine, arty gossip, scratch cards, winning, boy, pub, wine, giggling, wine, giggling, wine, drunk, falling, ouch, hungry, kittens. kissing, etc, sleepy, tea, kittens, brunch, dvds, kittens, thai food, dvds, sleepy.

Brilliant.

People leave. I know that seems like a fairly obvious thing to say, but it's true. Especially now it's entirely normal to go and live in another country for a few months, even a few years, it's natural that people you see regularly, one day won't be there anymore.

Marian goes back to America this weekend. I'm going to miss her lots and lots and I'm very sad. But it's more than that. There's something strange about the whole leaving thing. There's something different about modern day friendships.

I love my friends more than anything. Even more than the two kittens curled up next to me on TikiChris' sofa. And I hate the idea of them leaving. But they do. They leave. It happens lots more now. Whether they shoot of travelling for a few months, or move back to hometowns, or away from hometowns, the friendships and relationships that you forge change. More than they ever would have a few years back.

Without the internet, how eager would I have been to travel to China? Yeah I still went on my own, but in the back of my head I did think 'at least I can email people back home'. And I did. A lot. (Though the bombings in London probably forced a bit more communication.) But I always knew that there would be people at the end of a phone line of the end of a modem.

People don't think about it now. Communication between friends takes very little effort. Marian and I will keep in touch on Facebook etc and that's brilliant. But there's something strange about having people in your life for a set amount of time. Sofia leaves London in April. And I just can't imagine London without her.

I love that I've met all of these brilliant jet-setting people recently, they're all brilliant. And I know that I'm just as likely to bugger off to the other side of the world as anyone, but I just find that the dynamics of friendships has changed. It's not the kind of thing your expect to evolve, but as much as social networking and technology have changed our life, it's affected our social lives as well.

This should seem fairly obvious, after all, it's not called 'social networking' for nothing. But there's something different. Not just in how you interact with your friends, but with where they are in the world. With how you speak to them every day. Social networking should make you closer. And to some extent it does. Cate and I use Facebook to chat shit that only we understand (in fairness, we do this in real life too) and I can keep in touch with Marian while she's miles away. This is brilliant and I'm so pleased that this is possible. But some of my friends aren't glued to a computer all day every day. And we speak less. Because now it's harder to pick up the phone.

For the first time in aaaaaaaaages Ang and I hung out. Properly. Proper gossiping with wine and silliness (and kittens being distracting). We both agree that this doesn't happen anymore. Not nearly often enough. Not because we don't want to see each other, but because our life is entirely full of other stuff. Sometimes I can feel like I've spent all day talking to my friends online and that I don't need to go out and see them. Social networking isn't meant to stop you seeing your friends. It's not meant to replace interaction. Twittering isn't meant to happen instead of conversation. Birthday cards should still be sent. Phone calls should still be made. Poking should be banned.

It's just hit me this weekend how much our relationships our changing. From Cupcate writing last month about not having a 'best friend', and to us having so many online 'friends' that we don't meet. Then there's the networking 'friend' that we have. The ones that we drink with and talk shop and possibly even bitch about when they've gone (guilty) because they aren't real friends. All of this is strange and weird and unsettling. I just want my friends back. I want them to stay in one place and I want to see them. I miss Marian, I don't want Sofia to leave and I want to see Ang and Virgil and Cate much more than I do. I miss my friends. It's the only thing I don't like changing. They're all brilliant and I'm sad to see them leave.

I know that's selfish, but they're the most important things in the world to me and I'm not ready to let them go yet.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

That's all.

Apart from...

GrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrGrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

For fucks sake.

I'm so happy I'm going to share this Rob Ryan picture with you because it's bloody brilliant:

Happy

Wow it's been forever since I posted on my blog. But I've been sooooo busy with other things that I don't think I've had time to stop and think, let alone ramble. Lucky for you guys I guess. All three of you.

So what have I been up to? Well Poppycockney is going really well. Everyone has been so supportive and seems to really like it and I can't explain how happy I am that it's up and running and going well. It just seems to work. I'm not sure why, I can't explain it, but it's brilliant. I love. I'm pleased that the hard work we've done has paid off. So much so that we're doing a press launch on Monday. Wow.

But everything else is brilliant as well. Things are going well with the boy (who could read this for all I know so maybe I should keep shhhhh about him.) But they're cool and I'm happy. I still get freaked out by the whole relationshippy idea, and I'm getting used to it - I'm trying to just take things as they come and see what happens. Seems to be working so far. I think I tend to freak out when I'm seeing someone who's good for me. When it's worth me putting my energy into that and I feel like I'm getting something in return. The Boy makes me feel like I can do silly things. He also makes me eat sushi for the first time EVER (I know, leave me alone)... my conclusion being that SUSHI IS BRILLIANT. And right now I don't want to be kissing anyone else.

It's hard to explain how happy things are right now. It's not just one thing making me happy. I'm not just happy because of the boy, or work. And I'd hate to go back to a time when I could be happy for those reasons alone. I think I've reached some kind of point in my life where I'm OK with things. I'm OK with seeing how things go and fucking up and just seeing what happens. If it all goes wrong, tomorrow, I could deal with it. I'd be gutted, but I feel like I could deal with it. I feel strong.

I had a panic attack on Sunday. I was gutted as I thought I'd got past that. But it's just making me realise why I have them and how I can deal with that. I don't deal well with 'coming down' from pressure. But I know that. And I getting better with it. And this month I put myself under huge amounts of pressure and it worked out fine. It also reminded me that I need to find a happy balance. I can't spend four months being crazy busy and then expect to spend one night in and feel fine - I put my body under so much stress by doing that and I should know by now that I can't deal with it.  need to make sure I don't have to deal with it. No amount of work is more important than my health.

I've just written a whole paragraph telling you all about the perfect things I've done this weekend so far. But I deleted it because, sometimes I think things should stay secret and none of your business. :-) I want to keep things in my head for a little while. But I did buy some new furniture which is very lovely. Buying furniture makes me feel grown up. But I bought a huge chair. Marcus says it's like a giant cloud that you sit on. This is fun. It was made even more fun that I threw my desk out to fit it into my room. I like this.

If I could bottle how brilliant I felt right now, I really really would do. Instead, I'm going to go and wonder around Greenwich Market and buy some pretty pointless stuff. For no bloody reason. Just smiling reasons.

Everything right now is just for smiling reasons. These are the best reasons of all.

Poppy

By the time I've drunk my tea and finished scribbling this, my new blog Poppycockney will have launched.

Poppycockney is a blog about London, but it's fictional. Every character has their own opinion (they're real), but they also have their own lives and that's the fun part. We get to play and have silly characters and do silly things.

I write the character of Poppy (who else) and it's a blog about her life. Well, her and her friends. I don't know why I decided to write a blog in fiction. It's like Gossip Girl but backwards so maybe I was subconsciously influenced by that.

It's been such hard work. Getting a team of people together and keeping things going is tough. Especially as we initially planned to launch on June 16th! Things get in the way - like y'know - life and shit.

One of the main things pushing me was when the guys at Messy Media telling me that I couldn't edit a team of people. At the time, they were probably right. What the hell do I know about editing a website and leading a team of people? Fuck all. But I do know this site. And I do know my team. I'm very passionate about both. I don't know if that's enough and I've got loads to learn, but surely every editor has to start somewhere? If I knew what I was doing and didn't fuck up that wouldn't be much fun at all. I'm also constantly amazed by how supportive the guys writing for me are. They believe in this site and, more surprisingly sometimes, they believe in me. Even when I'm freaking out like I have been over the last couple of days.

I love what we've done with Poppycockney. Really really love it. I know how much work has gone into it. Blood, sweat tears, vodka etc. But it's all been worth it.

You can check out the site here... it's about to go live in 5...4...3...2...1....

Oh my god...
Oh my god...
Oh my god...
Oh my god...
Oh my god...

That's all. I'm quite nervous...