I'm excited today! I've been toying with the idea of doing some travelling this year. Since I watched Before Sunrise and Before Sunset I've wanted to jump on a train and go all round Europe. Unfortunately, since I have a 'made-up job' (Nigel's words, not mine), and don't get paid holiday any more (you smug full-time workers you!), it's not as easy as I thought.
I wanted to go away for about three weeks/ month and travel down to Italy through France and then back up through Croatia, Hungary and Prague. Which means as well as saving the money for my trip , I also need to save an extra three weeks wages so I can afford to live when I come back.
:-(
This is why freelancers are work-a-holics! No one pays for them to go out and play. But I've decided to say bollocks to it and go away anyway. In September. Only for two weeks instead of the month I initially wanted to take. I'm flying out to Sicily and spending a week there, and then I'm going to travel through Italy for a week. Pop to Florence again (so pretty) and then over to Venice and Verona. I'd love to do all the bits in the middle, but I really don't think I'll have the time or the money. It's not like my dad is a Guardian Travel writer so I can't even abuse the elitist snobbery system like Max Gogarty to get a free trip. Dammit.
I'm so excited about Florence again. It really is the most gorgeous place I've ever been. It was December when I went before so it'll look totally different. I might even get into the Boboli Gardens this time - they had closed by the time we got there because we spent all afternoon at the top of The Doumo. I'm especially thrilled about flying into Sicily first. I've wanted to go ever since I read this book. And Verona, well it's Romeo and Juliet-land - how could it not be gorgeous? As for Venice, well that's my 'I don't get Rome and don't really want to go back' substitute. I want to be mercilessly ripped off and go on a Gondola too. I might throw in another couple of places too if I get itchy feet.
It's about £40 to get to Palermo and then the rest of the trip I'm on Interrail, which means that I pay £89 and I can travel on trains for six days of my trip. Blimey that's cheap. I'm going to spend half the time in Hostels, and the other half hopefully CouchSurfing - this will mean I get a local perspective from nice friendly people (and safe it appears), and I also hope to not get lonely as I'll be on my own. I want to go on my own, I don't know why but it seems like a good thing to do. BUT as I found out in Spain, the days are great when there's stuff to look at. Eating and going out on your own is dull. After 'slumming it' for a while, I'll spend a night in the Ritz in Florence over looking the river and drink lots of cocktails. Just because.
I'm not sure why Italy, or why now, but it seems like a cool little adventure for me to go on. It's also given me something to focus on that isn't London. It's not work or writing or boys. It's all for me.
Really, my big shiny idea of 'travelling' has actually turned into a bit of a holiday. But it's Italy. And I'm really really excited.
People don't respond to illness well. Especially when they don't understand it or they can't see it.
I have a panic disorder.
I have had for the best part of this year. The doc thinks it was triggered after I got a virus last year and was off work for a month, but this year, while I've been getting used to being freelance I think it's been a lot harder to control.
So, there. I've though about writing this post a lot. I've even written the title a few times but when I get to actually writing it, I don't. Because I don't know how people will react. If I had a broken leg or something it would be different, you'd hopefully all come round and make me tea. But some people, over the last six months have taken a step back from my life because they don't understand it.
Sometimes it's nothing major - a few butterflies. And over the last month or so I've been mostly fine. But today I feel a bit horrid. I get butterflies to the point where I'm going to have a panic attack, but I don't. The thought of having one causes me to have more butterflies and it's a cycle that sometimes I don't think will end.
Most of the time I'm fine, and things are so great now and I'm really happy. I just have toruble dealing with things being out of my control. I like being able to plan and feel that I can deal with anything. If anything, or anyone messes with that I can't deal with it. Instead of dealing with it, I'm likely to hide away until I don't have to anymore.
I'm not sure what difference writing this will make - maybe it's just my way of gaining control again. I don't know.
Maybe one day I won't have to know.
Hello all!
I've spent most of the year with pesky evil readers block. Granted, I blame my iPod for a lot of this because to be honest, I just don't read as much as I used to. Yesterday, I picked up this book after someone told me how brilliant it was. They were right too. I'm really enjoying it. Here's a picture of the cover which is annoyingly dull and lazy:
So, as most of you lot are a clever bunch, please can you tell me what your favourite books are? I'll then read them and be away from my readers block! This would make me very very very happy indeed.
Now shoo. I'm back off to reading in my pants now.
Cate has asked that I publish this too. So she can "bookmark them for handy reference":
How not to kiss people you don't want to marry:
1. Be sober around them.
2. Analyse the kissing before it happens. This = fruitcake.
3. Hang around in places one does not do kissing. Like... hmmm.....your accountants office. While you're waiting to see the doctor.
:-)
Cate thought that this should be published somewhere "more public than her inbox":
How to snog people you don't want to marry:
1. Drink two bottles of wine.
2. Only find them physically attractive. this is handy so you don't turn into fruitcake.
3. Be in romantic places. Not like, loiter around them waiting for people who might kiss you. No. Go to romantic places with people you might want to kiss. Then it's kind of rude not to.
:-)
Right now, I'm procrastinating. I've decided that before I get down to the important project hanging over my head, I'll make tea, watch the tennis, decide what to have for lunch, have lunch, watch Neighbours and write this blog post.
THEN I'll get started on the really important project.
Procrastination is the devil when you work from home. There is always something else to do. And no one else can see that you're not doing what you're meant to be. No one knows that I play Mario Kart instead of typing
The stupid part of all this, is I'm actually really excited about my new project. I'm creating my own website and it's launching soon. It's the only bit of my writing work that is really mine. It's the project that I set up on my own, without any funding or safety net so I should be really excited about doing it. But there's one main reason I procrastinate:
I'm scared of fucking up.
If I'm in the middle of writing something, it's a 'work in progress' and people just say "that's a really good idea". Once I've finished it, people can judge it. They can tear apart the hours you've spent on something with one simple look (you know the look I mean). They can ruin it with a simple line: "I don't get it".
This makes me want to hide all of my work away in a shoe box. Of course, it's hard to get paid for stuff when you do that. So what do you do? You get used to putting your work out there. You realise that not everyone is going to like it. You also realise that it doens't get any easier and that sending your work to anyone new is still pretty nerve-wrecking. I hate it. Putting it out there for the whole world to judge is pretty terrifying.
In about two weeks time, you'll all be able to see my new website. The one that was all my own idea and has been my personal project for the last two months. You'll be able to judge it for yourself, and essentially, judge me.
That is, after I've made the tea, watched the tennis, had lunch...
*
PS - This post was first posted on my blog 'Full Time Tea Drinker' which I write for the Hospital. I'm clearly far too lazy to write about the same topic twice.
Everything I was meant to do this weekend kind a went a bit wrong. But my weekend was still all kinds of brilliant.
I went to Wimbledon. Hooray! For two hours. I woke up late and had to queue all on my own as Sam and Kelly sensibly went on ahead. I would have had to queue until about 1 and that just didn't sound fun. So I came home. But at least I can say I've been to Wimbledon now. Even if I didn't see any Wombles. Perhaps they don't have to queue for their tickets.
So instead of sulking, I decided to have my own mini Wimbledon on my living room floor. I made a picnic and had tea and cake and strawberries and Nigel and I watched it on the telly instead. This was much better. Andy Murray won which was nice. (Except I promised The Hospital Club that if he beats Federer I'd streak across Henman Hill... hmmmmm...) Then we drank fizzy champagne (er.... Cava really) and played Scrabble in the garden. I won. Again. It's now 4-0 to me and Nigel is getting quite annoyed.
Then I rushed of to the pub to meet Sof and Virgil and Ang to see this band who are really very good. Who weren't playing. They changed their mind and decided to play on the Sunday instead. Dammit. But the bands we did see were great. And hot too. Although Sofia and I couldn't work out how old they were so we weren't sure if it was wrong to fancy them. One of them did tell me but then I got drunk on Hoegarden and forgot. The cheeky fucker also told me I looked 29 so I didn't think he was as cute after that. Still, it's better than getting ID'd for fags like I did a few weeks ago. (To have the ASDA manager say "Oh, yes. She's definitely fine. Of course you can serve her". Twat.)
I was a bit of a hippy and had little plaits in my hair and the band had no shoes on.
So we drank beer and gossiped and I finally got to have proper chats with the guys and have lots of fun. The I was sleepy on Sunday and did not very much at all. That was fun too.
That was my weekend. The first weekend I've done no work at all since I was freelance.
It was bloody brilliant.
No not the bible. Much more important than that. I'm talking about The Book. Every writer I know has one book. The book that changed their life. The book that made them want to write.
My book was Rebecca's World. By Terry Nation. The guy who wrote Doctor Who apparently. Although I didn't realise that until it was out of print and I had to pay £20 for a copy on Ebay (damn those sci-fi geeks). It was worth every penny. When it arrived in the post I called in sick at work, made a cup of tea and read the whole thing in an hour.
I don't know what it is about the book. I'd always written when I was a kid and it was because of this book. I have no interest in Science Fiction and it surprised me to find how geeky sciency it was. The book is actually about a stroppy little girl who speaks her mind and shouts a lot. Stamps her foot once as well I think. Maybe I like her more than I like the story.
I wasn't writing much when the book arrived but I did after I'd read it. It's still an inspiring book even now. And I still remember the bit that was really really scary when I was a kid. (I'm not telling you. I don't want to ruin the story. Plus, you'll laugh.)
I treasure that book. And whenever I think about it, I remember that I'm meant to be enjoying this writing malarky. It's just scribbling on bits of paper. It should be fun.
I turned down work today. Even though I wasn't sure if I should. Yeah I could have taken it on, worked a bit over the weekend. Or, I can be really happy with the work I've got, drink tea and read childrens books and go out dancing.
*
PS - this was first posted on my Hospital Club blog "Full Time Tea Drinker." Go and read that one instead. They pay me for that one.
A month ago I had very little work. Enough to cover my rent and that was it. I had no money for soup (I don't really like baked beans) let alone cocktails. And then it all changed.
Then I got a proper editor job three days a week. In a real office and everything! With my own little desk! People to talk to! It's brilliant! Rubbish tea machine though. I miss real tea.
And all at the same time, I was given load more writing work. In fact, it's more than I know what to do with. It's possible that I'm actually taking on too much. But how can I turn down work when I know that it could all dry up next week? (This isn't a rhetorical question, I'm actually asking you.)
Yes, things are brilliant and I'm really enjoying all of the work I'm doing. But I've only got so much time in the day. When do I have to say "Sorry, I can't work on your fabulous website that could be really good for my career because I want to watch Eastenders"?
It's easy for me to think "It's only one extra blog post" or "What's an extra 500 words?" but I know there's going to be a time when I burn out. Since I've been freelance I've never missed a deadline. That's something I always want to be able to say.
On Friday, I've got a meeting with a new women's magazine start-up. Maybe I'll think about cutting back after then. After all, this could be a really good opportunity for me.
And so it continues...
*
(pssst.... this blog post was first posted on my new blog for The Hospital Club. You can read that here. If you'd like to sign up and comment on that, they might carry on paying me.)
Actually, I don't. Not when I read this anyway:
"So long...
It's been a short but fun ride, but Glitterditch has closed up shop.
We'd like to thank all of our readers, writers, and contributors for being a part of the site."
I almost wish I felt less smug. It's not a good look.
Recent Comments
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Siany said:
In a conversation about Apathy with Dean, I actually said "my ovaries are very excited." We don't know what this... read more
on My Weekend... -
cate said:
The 'most interesting text message' could be a regular entry on here I think! Also the conversations - v intrigued... read more
on My Weekend...
Sorry you feel that way, but I guess I can easily understand why you would. Hope things are going well... read more
on I hate to say 'I told you so'...